Many people express the opinion that I am on Facebook a whole lot. I am not. I am only ever on Facebook for the mercenary reason that I wish to persuade people to do things for me for free, which is infrequent.
However, Facebook, business-plan-be-praised, doesn’t want to let it look like a void of empty performance of fake-smile social favour vampires, so they do their best to animate the stinking corpse of my Facebook profile, to let it seem that interesting things are happening. So easy to look like you actually log in! Wow! Much peer engagement! Very influencer!
And Twitters; Who has time for the Twitters? Presidents and other unsavoury persons! People who manage your “engagement” with their “brand”!
But don’t worry, social media’s woefully dysfunctional profit motive makes it easy for you to look like an engaged individual.
Anyway, you are supposed to be on social media these days, so the important thing is to occasionally trickle some fake personality into those social media profiles, so that your brand bursts or pops or thrusts or whatever brands do these days.
- IFTTT is the classic here, although they’ve been a bunch of cocks recently.
- conditionalactionprogrammer has very hot AI tech to do this, by Microsoft
- Botize might be lesser cocks than ifttt? Their interface is nicer to my eyes
- zapier might be lesser cocks than ifttt? They cost money, but come more highly recommended, e.g. by NGO ninja Joe Moran
- trigger-happy is an open source one and it supports pelican.
- more gray-hat, you can buy automated bots to do facebook/instagram etc shit for you; specifically, stuff that requires genuine human interaction that is NOT supported by the manufacturers APIs. Dropping $200 for that seems like a lot, but it would hypothetically save more than a few hours’ coding if that were your thing. It would also have limited consumer protections and an unusually high likelihood of malware.
Or why not fake social media itself? Binky is a deeply sarcastic app that make a fake social network talking to itself about nothing:
Just Like A Real App
Binky supports all the other stuff you do to make you feel like you’re Doing Something while waiting for the bus or whatever. See a bink you like? You can Like it! You can also re-bink your binks, whatever that means. Do whatever the hell you want in Binky — no one will ever see it.
You can have this overexplained for you by Ian Bogost:
What if the problem with smartphones isn’t the compulsion to keep up with the new ideas they deliver, but believing that the meaning of those ideas matters in the first place? Binky offers all the pleasure of tapping, scrolling, liking, and commenting without any of the burden of meaning.